Tag: affairs

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The Top 10 Movies about Affairs

Why do we love to watch movies about affairs and cheating? What is it about the affair?

It’s steamy, it’s hidden, it’s secretive.

Cheating movies are a great choice for your MOVIE NIGHT or DATE NIGHT movie choices.

Cheating movies are popular because they allow a nice man or woman to imagine what it would be like to be with someone else. Or do they? They give the viewer an opportunity to dream, and to relate to the person who is cheating, or to be mad and be sympathetic to the person cheated on. They spur debate, they challenge our viewpoints, they offer consolation to those who have actually cheated.

Overall, movies with affairs in them will help you as a couple, discuss the impact an affair would have on your relationship. Consider it “affair prevention.”

Here are my choices for the top ten cheating movies:

1. “Unfaithful” with Diane Lane and Richard Gere.

Unfaithful follows the story of Connie Sumner (Diane Lane), a woman living in New York City who engages in an extramarital affair with Paul (Olivier Martinez), a man she meets while attempting to hail a cab. Though it starts out innocently enough, their relationship soon turns into a very sexual one that is noticed by her husband, Edward (Richard Gere). After discovering the affair, Edward ends up killing Paul in a rage, and disposes of the body in a dump. Killing Paul is clearly not a great method of problem solving, but apparently that doesn’t matter to Edward.

The film is undoubtedly the most iconic when it comes to portraying an extramarital affair; though it’s not exactly a masterpiece, Lane’s performance as the troubled wife stepping out on her husband is nothing short of spectacular, and not to mention supremely hot, as the sex scenes boil over with passion.

2. Fatal Attraction. I didn’t personally care for this movie as much as Unfaitful, but everyone else did. I think this is the number one most popular cheating movie of all times. It’s the standard that all other cheating movies are compared to. Glenn Close played quite a part as the homewrecking office female.

3. Disclosure. Demi Moore and Michael Douglas made quite the pair in this movie. Although Michael Douglas said no to Demi Moore’s advances, the movie still is about cheating because he did kiss her before they stopped. He cheated on his wife. This movie shows what happens when a woman doesn’t get sexually what she is looking for. Guys, beware!

4. Indecent Proposal. Demi Moore gets another spot on the top ten list. I really love all of her movies as well. You may ask how this movie is included, because Woody Harrelson knew that Demi Moore was going to cheat on him, because he was allowing it. They needed the money to pay back the debt he incurred by gambling. Sorry, Woody, you shouldn’t make your wife part of a solution to your gambling problem. This movie shows what happens when the bond of marriage is broken, even if both parties mutually consent to it.

5. Legends of the Fall. This was one of Brad Pitt’s earlier movies. Do you recall, the tale of three brothers? The first brother meets the woman, and she becomes his fiance’. Then, when he brings her home to his family, she falls for the second brother. The first brother then dies in battle, so second brother gets the gal. Then, second brother has all sorts of issues within, and leaves the gal alone for many years. She finally gives up waiting for him, and gets with third brother. Then, second brother returns and she is still in love with him. But now, it’s too late. What a tale.

6. English Patient. This movie is perhaps the saddest cheating movie of all. It has such a story behind it. The woman is cheating on her husband, and he discovers this. She goes off with the other man, and their plane wrecks. The lover has to go find help to try and save her, but he doesn’t make it back in time. So it was all for nothing. Of course, there’s much more to this love story that involves cheating, but this is the gist of it.

7. The Color Purple. The Color Purple is a movie to watch for many reasons, and cheating could be the least important reason of all. However, the cheating in this movie was almost accepted as the way people did things in that day and time. That certainly doesn’t make it right. Whoopi Goldberg had a husband, Danny Glover. She didn’t pick him, he just basically bought her from her family. Of course, he just wants her to do his cooking and cleaning and take care of his children. It’s no surprise when he then takes on a mistress, and she even comes into their home when she gets sick and stays with them. Whoopi ends up becoming attracted to the woman as well, and it is insinuated that perhaps she has an affair of her own.

8. What Lies Beneath, starring Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer. This was a pretty spooky and realistic movie, as far as cheating movies go. Of course, I wouldn’t necessarily believe that a girl could send signs from the dead, but I also wouldn’t dismiss it totally. Michelle Pfeiffer looks really pale and scary in this movie, and it makes the whole thing all the more believable. Harrison Ford apparently always doesn’t play the good guy.

9. Random Hearts, with Harrison Ford. Okay, now Harrison Ford get a chance to redeem himself. He was the one cheated on. Imagine them finding your wife at the bottom of the ocean, with another man on a plane that crashed? That would be awful.

10. Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Okay, in this movie, she gets really mad. She’s supported her husband through thick and then, and then he wants to throw her out and be with someone else? This is a great story of revenge for someone who was cheated on.

If you can add to this list of great movies with affairs in them, let us know in the comment section below.

 

The Movie Therapy Course can be found HERE. It is recommended for every couple to stay emotionally connected and to improve communication skills.

 

Does anyone understand the grief after betrayal?

questions-and-answers

 

Hi Savannah,

I’ve recently had the experience of my wife betraying our marriage. I am so at loss for what my life means right now. As a man, it has destroyed my pride. I am grieving the loss of what was and what could be. Recently I have been seeing a counselor and he said grief is a process. I can’t even follow the grief process. What is wrong with me? – Doug, St George, Utah.

Hello Doug,

I am so sorry for the pain and loss you are feeling right now in your life. It is a good thing that you are reaching out to others for healing & help. But I would like to share with you a little issue with us “helping professionals.” We are taught a system at University, before we get our hands on actual clients. The system taught to us in these institutions is great in terms of learning the basics of psychology, but we need to further educate ourselves on what actually works/helps the clients we choose to help in real life counseling.

I’m going to come right out and say it.

If you are working with a

  • therapist
  • counselor
  • social worker
  • grief expert
  • minister
  • priest

or anyone else who is trying to help you navigate the wilderness of grief
and they start talking about Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief, suggesting that there is a predictable, orderly, unfolding of grief:

  • denial
  • anger
  • bargaining
  • depression
  • and acceptance,

do yourself a favor and run as far away from that person as fast as you can.

That “expert” does not know grief. Not really.

Grief is the internal, automatic response to loss.

Everyone grieves.
Everyone.

If you are alive and have attached to something.
Anything.
A job.
A pet.
Your health.
Your looks.
Your house.
A person.
A certain lifestyle.
Your car.
Anything.

If you have attached to something and you lose that something you grieve.
Automatic.
Internal.

And as much as I’d like to tell you that grief will be
orderly
neat and tidy
predictable
and unfold in 5 stages,
it will not.
Period.

Grief is wild
and messy
and unpredictable
and uncertain
and ever-changing
and unsettling
and unnerving.

Most of us (all of us) are ill-prepared and ill-equipped to go with the flow of grief when it is our time because we never talk about it.

What it’s like to live with grief.

Grief expresses itself in surprising and confusing ways.
There are times when all you want to do is sleep and other times when you can’t sleep at all.
There are times when you eat
and eat
and eat
and other times when you have completely lost your appetite.
You may feel

  • confused
  • sad
  • anxious
  • desperate
  • angry
  • frightened
  • lonely
  • nauseous
  • numb
  • dazed
  • dizzy

to name just a few of the ways grief expresses itself seemingly at the same time.

You think you are going crazy.
You are not.

You have entered the wilderness of grief. And in order to get out you must go through.

 

Warmest Regards,

savsign2

DBA, MBA, BBSc, MPsych (Clin)

Is my partner cheating on Dating sites?

Cheating_Partners_using_Dating_Sites

The number of people supposedly in committed monogamous relationships, who are creating secret dating site profiles, to allow them to meet people on dating or social media sites is on the increase. The problem is that with so many dating sites available (there seems to be a different one popping up every five minutes), the likelihood of catching your partner cheating on line is becoming less and less likely. By changing just a few details and maybe using somebody else’s photograph, or no photograph at all, finding out the truth as to whether your partner is being unfaithful on a dating site by searching through sites is almost impossible.

It is probable that a large number of individuals who are being cheated on by unfaithful partners fail to realise that they may not be the only victim of their partner’s infidelity through online sites. Men and women on dating sites frequently encounter (and sometimes even fall in love with) someone who could be considered a suitable companion or even their future life partner, but who, unknown to them, are already married or for other reasons are emotionally unavailable. More and more of these individuals are checking out the person they have met, prior to getting too involved with that person. Some are making the wise decision of registering the person with an online cheater checking service.

If you think your partner may secretly be on dating sites and cheating on you, register them with FidelityCheckOnline.com; they will search their data base and inform you within 24 hours if they are matched with somebody else who has registered their partner/potential partner. The sites investigators will continue to monitor the details of your registered person every 24 hours, to ascertain if new people registered are a match and are linked via a romantic relationship with someone else. If the sites investigators find evidence of cheating or infidelity, they inform their clients discreetly and confidentially through the site.

What people do with that information is a matter for the individuals concerned. If both parties so wish, the site investigators can even put cheated parties in contact with each other, so they can confirm the match and compare experiences.

Registering your partner is safe, secure and simple; they will never know they have been registered, under investigation or being monitored at any point in the process.

NB: Research involving more than one million online dating profiles partly financed by the National Science Foundation found that 81% of people misrepresent their height, weight age or marital status, in their profiles.

Another survey indicated that 1 in 10 dating site profiles is completely fake and was romance scams designed, ultimately, to obtain money or sensitive personal information from their victims to commit identity fraud or deception.

FidelityCheckOnlne.com is operated by trusted ex London Scotland Yard detectives trained in the investigation of fraud and infidelity

By Guest Blogger : Kim Tuffin

 

 

 

Affairs and Infidelity

“Human beings disappoint, fail, and hurt each other,
even those we love with all our hearts.”

— Sarah Ban Breathnach

Woman Looking at Reflection

If you’ve been betrayed, the discovery of an affair can be one of the most devastating experiences of your life. Even if you’ve suspected your partner’s been unfaithful, you may feel utter disbelief and shock when it’s confirmed.

Usually, there’s an initial flood of intense feelings such as hurt, rage, jealousy, fear, humiliation, confusion and deep grief. You may feel as if your entire world has been shattered, that everything is strangely surreal. Your nervous system may go into “high alert” making it hard to sleep, eat, think or function. As acutely painful as it is, you may also feel profound relief. You now know the truth. You’re not crazy.

If you’ve been unfaithful, and your partner has discovered the affair, you will also probably be overwhelmed with feelings. You may feel guilty, remorseful, confused, frightened, defensive or ashamed. If the discovery took place some time ago and the two of you are attempting to pick up the pieces, you may feel frustrated, impatient, discouraged and even angry with how long it’s taking to restore trust and connection.

These powerful and overwhelming feelings may last for many months or longer if the trauma and anguish that accompany an affair are not worked through and allowed to heal. Rebuilding trust, honesty and closeness and healing the trauma of the affair can be a long and challenging process. Without question, it may be the hardest thing you’ll each ever have to do. Some couples do not recover. Many couples do. In fact, many couples say–despite the emotional pain and upheaval–the affair dramatically transformed their relationship for the better.

Whether you’re married or unmarried and you’ve been betrayed or you’ve been unfaithful, therapy can be a crucial part of the recovery process. In a safe, non-judgmental environment I provide therapy for both individuals and couples who are at the pre- or post-discovery stages of an affair.

Individual and couples therapy can be important and helpful in the following ways:

– Affairs are overwhelming. Therapy establishes a calm, safe setting in which to cope with and process the flood of feelings related to the initial or prolonged impact of an affair.
– Affairs are confusing. “How could this happen?” is a common question. Therapy can help you better understand a multitude of factors that may have contributed to the infidelity.
– Affairs are traumatizing. Therapy provides support and resources to help the betrayed partner manage post-traumatic stress reactions they may be having. These may include: obsessions, flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia, agitation, hypervigilance or a startle response.
– Affairs are disruptive and life-altering. Therapy can help you make thoughtful choices and decisions about how to move forward after an affair. Divorce or ending your relationship is not inevitable. Couples, nevertheless, may experience dramatic life changes such as a temporary separation, a partner entering treatment for an addiction or the unfaithful partner quitting a job where the affair took place, etc.
– Affairs affect many people. Therapy can help you sort through who, how and whether to tell certain friends and family members about your situation.
– Affairs are an opportunity. Though extremely difficult and painful, an affair can be a “wakeup call” to help you re-examine and greatly improve your relationship. Therapy can help you learn and grow through the recovery process. You will develop practical and compassionate communication skills to cultivate more honesty, intimacy and trust. Authentic communication is essential in healing from an affair and in preventing future infidelities.

If you’re interested in couples or individual therapy to assist you through this challenging time, please feel free to contact me to schedule a free half-hour phone consultation or to schedule an appointment. You may email me using the link

There is hope. With time, healing can and does occur.

Why Do Men Cheat?

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Why Do Men Cheat?

To be honest, both men and women cheat.  But with that said, men are more likely than women to cheat and there are some differences between the sexes when it comes to cheating.

In order to understand why men cheat, it helps to understand what causes both men and women to be unfaithful.

Why do both men and women cheat?

The science of cheating is clear on this point: Roughly 3% of all mammals, including humans, practice what is called pair bonding or monogamous mating.  However, even within the 3% of mammals that practice monogamy, very few species, including humans, are truly monogamous (see, Barash & Lipton).  In fact, when it comes to both men and women, monogamy is not our natural sexual strategy (see, Barash & Lipton and Ryan & Jetha).

To make a long story short, for millions of years, the desire to mate with multiple partners was a useful reproductive strategy.  Men and women, who had multiple partners, likely produced more offspring than people who were faithful to a single mate.  Cheating was a strategy to increase reproductive success and diversify risk.  Or think about it this way: investing in a mutual fund (multiple stocks) is, on average, a better financial strategy than putting all of your resources into a single stock.

Because a multiple partner approach was a better reproductive strategy than monogamy, men and women living today are the descendants of people, who had the desire to have sex with more than one person over the course of their lifespan.  Simply put, we have inherited this trait from our ancestors – it is a part of our human nature.  This does not mean that everyone will cheat on a partner or that people are fully aware of their unconscious sexual desires.

How are men and women different when it comes to cheating?

While both men and women cheat, there are important sex differences when it comes to cheating.  The sex differences that influence cheating are based on two basic biological differences between men and women

First, men and women differ when it comes to eggs and sperm.  Men can produce hundreds of millions of sperm per day.  By comparison, women are born with a million or so eggs, but only a fraction, roughly one egg released every 28 days over a short period of time – from puberty to menopause – has the potential to create life.  Simply stated, women have about 400 viable eggs to use (and taking into account gestation, only about 20 actual opportunities to reproduce), while men are capable of fathering an unlimited number of children.

The second basic biological difference deals with gestation.  Embryos grow and develop in women, not men.  For men, reproduction can literally take just a few minutes of effort; while for women it involves, at the very least, a nine-month process.

From a biological point of view, men can constantly and quickly engage in reproduction while women are much more limited in their ability to do so.

These biological differences influenced our psychological desires before the invention of modern forms of birth control and still influence our unconscious sexual desires today.  Men are more likely than women to think about sex and fantasize about having sex with multiple partners.  In fact, a multi-billion dollar industry – pornography – exploits this basic sexual difference.

Given this basic biological difference, here are some key differences between men and women when it comes to cheating:

  • Men are more likely than women to cheat with someone who is less attractive than their current partner.  Women cheat up while men are more opportunistic when it comes to cheating.
  • Men are more likely than women to have a one-night stand.  Women are more prone to having emotional affairs.
  • Men are less likely to consider leaving their partners after cheating.  When women cheat, it tends to be more emotionally involved so they are more likely to consider ending their current relationship.
  • Men are more likely than women to repeatedly cheat on a spouse or partner.

Can you think of other reasons why? Feel free to add to our list.

Best Regards,

savsign

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