Tag: Marriage Counseling

Handling Your Partner’s Anger

How can you cope with an anger partner?

Important relationship advice during affair recovery.

  1. Stay calm – Don’t get into a screaming match. If your partner gets ‘overheated,’ explain that you will be willing to talk with him/her. But, right now, tempers are too high for things to settle. Promise to discuss the issue at a later time when you are both in a calmer state. Pick a specific time to ‘check in’ with each other. Say something like “How about talking tonight when we are both in a calmer space?” or “…when you feel you are ready to talk about it.” I call this withdrawing with reassurance.

Be sure to follow up on your promise. If the other person is still upset when you check in, set up another time to check in. If this keeps happening, then it is clear that you need a third party to help you communicate properly again.

  1. Don’t argue with your partner about his/her feelings.
  2. Listen to what the other person has to say.
  3. Establish what you can legitimately agree with.
  4. Don’t try to justify your action.
  5. Listen. People feel better if they get things off of their chest and feel that someone is listening and acknowledging their feelings.
  6. Really listen to what is making your partner angry and try to identify anger themes.
  7. Don’t patronize your partner.
  8. If the anger is repeated, try to be patient and stay calm. If this behavior constantly repeats itself, then it’s time for a counselor to step in. Family and friends are very important for support, but using them as a referee can have disastrous results. Because handling intense anger in these circumstances can be difficult, you may need to rely on the knowledge and objectivity of an experienced professional.

The way in which two people handle anger and conflict significantly impacts their relationship. Often, they do not know how to successfully argue, or even disagree, and the end result is disastrous.

I hope that the above information has increased your understanding of anger and has given you some tools to start examining your own and your partner’s anger themes.

 

Savannah

 

 

Savannah EllisDBA, MBA, BBSc, MPsych (Clin)


Make an appointment | sav@savannahellis.net | 

Licensed Online Therapy and Counseling

What are 8 Movies we suggest to start with in Movie Therapy?

Could a Vince Vaughn romantic comedy save your marriage? Maybe. What about “The Avengers”? Probably not.

Jason & his girlfriend has recently completed the Movie Therapy Course. Jason is typical of the “modern male” who would like to have a closer relationship with his girl, but sometimes cannot find the words to help express himself. By watching movies and following the questions and format each couple must follow after the movie, Jason has found a deeper and closer relationship with his girlfriend.

What does Jason’s girlfriend have to say about the course? You can watch Jason and his girlfriend talk about their experience with their chosen movies inside the Movie Therapy Course.

 

Can Movie Therapy Prevent Divorce?

Couples who watch relationship-centered movies — chick flicks — and then discuss them afterwards are more likely to still be together after three years, according to a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.

Fifty percent of American marriages end in divorce. University of Rochester researchers, hoping to find a program that would keep people together, recruited 174 engaged or newly married couples at bridal shows in the Los Angeles area. They randomly assigned the couples to get no treatment, a movie-centered intervention or one of two types of marriage-preparation classes, which consisted of multiple workshops designed to hone participants’ relationship skills. The couples were followed for three years.

The couples who were assigned to watch movies were told to pick five from a list and then to discuss with their partner questions, such as:

    • What main problems did this couple face?
    • Are any of these similar to the problems that the two of you have faced?
    • How did the couple handle arguments or differences of opinion?
    • How did the couple in the movie handle hurt feelings?”

Ultimately the movies turned out to be just as effective as the workshops, which required hours of lectures and homework on top of that. All three interventions cut the three-year divorce rate by half.

“We don’t think it’s just about watching movies,” said the study’s lead author Ron Rogge, an associate professor of clinical psychology at the University of Rochester. “There are lots of couples who watch movies and end up divorcing.”

The important thing is the conversations the movies spark, Rogge said.

What movies are recommended?

It’s not like any old movie will do, however. People have to choose films that will spark discussions about the couple’s own relationship. That means a romantic relationship at its core, Rogge said. “That cuts out almost all science fiction and fantasy movies,” he explained.

There’s no clear data on which movies work best as marriage therapist substitutes, but Rogge suggests movies like:

  • “Couples Retreat”

  • “Four Christmases”

  • “Terms of Endearment”

  • “When a Man Loves a Woman”

  • “Funny Girl”

  • “Two for the Road”

  • “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”

  • “Yours, Mine and Ours”

 

To start the Movie Therapy Online Course CLICK HERE

Feeling like you have great communication already and you just want to watch great couple movies? Here are direct links below

 

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