A relationship is not always the easiest thing in the world to manage, and when you suspect your spouse of cheating, life can be very difficult. Are you being overly paranoid? Are you seeing signs of infidelity where none exists?
Tag: cheating wife
Today in our group, a new member was concerned on why they were becoming sexually inappropriate, after their WIFE CHEATED.
I am posting some of my answer here to help many of you who ask the same question, and feel guilty and ashamed for mirroring similar behavior as your unfaithful partner.
“………..My view on your situation – first, I don’t know your history, however, your wife cheated on you and now and forever more, YOU are MORE likely to be open to cheating on a future partner, UNLESS you recognize your behavioral changes – in which you have (PHEW!).
How can this be (I know many betrayed spouses will be upset to read this), but think about cases such as the school bullie, who is/was beaten and abused at home, or the rapist who was sexually abused by a relative in their childhood. Once you are conditioned or predisposed to a behavior or situation, you can become the “wrong doer.” The simple reason – its protection.
Also, groups(online & offline) by nature bring together a group of people who are going through a similar situation, and through sharing of personal experiences, you can form relationships + you become vulnerable. People are sharing deep and very personal information (and in our group, it’s around infidelity/cheating/sex) – topics that are intense.
For people who have not processed mistakes from the old relationship, and learned new skills for new relationships (such as boundary setting), new “relationships” are formed with the same issues as the old relationship……..”
Have you experienced this situation in group – either you or by someone else? Let me know your opinion below.
Join Our Facebook Affair & Infidelity Support Group
This is a private group, so you have to be a member of the group to read posts. Plus whatever you write in the infidelity support group, does not appear in your Facebook feed. It is 100% private.
The Exit Affair
Out The Door Affair
Finally it’s my turn
Exiters are Conflict Avoiders at heart, but they take it further. One spouse has already decided to leave the marriage and the affair provides the justification. The other partner usually blames the affair rather than looking at how their marriage got to this point.
AFFAIR TYPE OVERVIEW
- The relationship had underlying tension and resentment building up for years (perhaps starting before their wedding)
- They are either unwilling to meet each other’s needs, or unwilling to talk about meeting each others needs.
- The lack of conflict, is often misinterpreted as a sign “all is fine”
- Leaving the relationship is often surrounded in guilt, however staying in the relationship would be unbearable.
- The relationship with the lover would typically only last as long as the pain of leaving the relationship. The cheater will often spend many years by themselves avoiding commitment and “entrapment.”
Why the affair happened
This type of affair is usually the outcome of the 20 year train of thought based on some marker:
– The kids leaving home
– The end of a career
– end of government service
The affair is actually initiated years earlier in the mind of the infidel, and the marriage relationship is maintained and tolerated by the infidel on the basis of the future plan.
By the time the infidel is ready to leave the infidel often say “I’ve toyed with this idea for many years and I finally decided to do it”
Advice for the Betrayed Spouse
It is best to recognize this for what it is, handle the reality of loss, and build a new life.
– Recovery Potential: Unlikely
– Affair Reason: Loss of self
– As the unfaithful spouse has been planning an exit for some time, this partner is less likely to want to work on the relationship. If he/she does enter counseling, the reason is guilt rather than desire.
– Time and space are needed for personal growth. After this time, the unfaithful partner may wish to return to the marriage and work on a recovery. This can take up to two years.
– Work on your communication and conflict resolution skills, to keep the relationship respectful and the friendship in place.
Guest Writer: Scott McGinnis Original Article: Click here Dating Advice: Avoid the Horse Chicks If you are a bro who has …