When I first decided to start an Infidelity Recovery Clinic in Las Vegas, people would say, “Las Vegas! Sin City! That town is full of strippers, cheats, and immoral people. You will be so busy in that town.”
Of course what people don’t think about is that the Las Vegas Strip is the destination city for over 40,000,000 people per year from around the world. People from other USA cities come to Vegas to have a good time, attend conferences, and some, statistically, will be unfaithful!
I will be the first to defend Las Vegas families and say that cheating happens in every city and in every country. In fact, I have found that couples from Las Vegas fight harder to save their relationships after an affair, to keep the family together, and provide a stable and loving home for their children. More so than other cities I have worked in such as San Francisco, L.A, and Sydney.
Last year, in the Las Vegas clinic, I had a popular lawyer come in to the clinic with his wife, and tell me he wanted couple counseling, to prevent the relationship from temptation. “What can we do to ensure we can protect our relationship from infidelity”, he said. Both husband and wife were good looking and intelligent people, however, they knew that once they started to “admire” the looks of other people, the relationship is in trouble.
So what type of person cheats in their marriage? With an estimated 57 percent of men and 54 percent of women cheating on their partners at some point in their relationships, it’s safe to say we can do a better job protecting our partnerships from infidelity. Ashley Madison, the website that encourages affairs, has done extensive research in the most unfaithful USA towns. Guess what? Las Vegas is not even in the Top 10 towns for cheaters!
BTW – I personally think sites like Ashley Madison should be shut down, because of the effect it has on weak and misguided people e.g. “Most of society”. If we can ban smoking and drinking advertisement during certain times because greater society knows that people are weak and vulnerable, powerless to suggestion, then why not ban sites that encourage married people from being unfaithful. I am passionate about this point because I know that good people make the mistake of having an affair, and it destroys their life and that of their family. It is totally preventable by learning HOW to prevent affairs, and HOW to protect a marriage. With each generation, more people are desensitized to divorce and cheating. People may find it wrong to cheat – 91%, but more than 1/2 the population has admitted to cheating on their spouse. People need to be coached, to be the best they can be in their marriage.
I opened my new clinic in Los Angeles, California, in Santa Monica. Will I be busy in Santa Monica? If we look at the map again, we will find Los Angeles is ranked 5th in the USA for cheaters. I can see why already. This town prides itself on its “fast pace, sexy people, international flavour, entertainment industry darlings, the latest & greatest.”
First and foremost, it’s important that we’re honest with ourselves about the power and influence of sexual temptation. Unfortunately, everyone seems to think they’re invincible when it comes to being able to avoid it, but let’s be real with ourselves — we’re all weak when it comes to sex. It’s natural. To pretend otherwise is why the excuse “one thing led to another…” is so popular.
We see it all the time. Even some of our most important spiritual leaders have fallen victim to sexual temptations, so what makes us think we’re any stronger? We must stop lying to ourselves. We all need explicit boundaries in place to keep us from becoming that next statistic — especially since so much infidelity begins with positive and innocent intentions.
Here are five steps you should take to protect your relationship from infidelity:
1. Be honest with yourself about your weaknesses.
When are you vulnerable when it comes to sexual temptations? Maybe it’s physical touch or pornography or an inappropriate emotional connection with a friend of the opposite sex. Regardless, you need to be completely and explicitly honest about your weaknesses with yourself. We fail not when we’re strong but when we’re at our weakest.
2. Discuss your boundaries.
What good is acknowledging your weaknesses without creating boundaries to help you avoid them? While you’re being thorough about where these temptations typically occur, ask yourself what boundaries you can put in place to steer clear. Share these with your partner so you’re on the same page with what you can expect from each other.
3. Avoid tempting situations, not the temptations themselves.
Stop playing with fire! I always say, if we can avoid that “one thing,” we don’t give ourselves the opportunity for it to “lead to another.” Be proactive.
4. Talk to friends who can hold you accountable.
Accountability is so underrated when it comes to relationships. Fellas, which of your boys can you trust to keep you on your game when you’re struggling? Ladies, which of your friends is ideal to have on speed dial when you need the support? Make sure they have your best interest and your relationship in mind, and reach out when you feel weak.
5. Make better choices.
At the end of the day, you simply must be mindful of the choices you’re making and the repercussions they have on you and your relationship. Make better choices and you’ll get better results.
If you value your relationship, take these steps today. Like, right now. Don’t wait until problems arise to address this issue.
It’s normal to feel like you don’t need to create and enforce boundaries — and a lot of people don’t — at least, not until it’s too late. Don’t wait until you hit the iceberg to take preventive measures to protect your partnership. Ask any couple that’s ever experienced infidelity and they’ll tell you the same thing.
Making these steps a habit will continue to reap trust, loyalty and faithfulness long into your relationship.
Remember, love always protects.
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